fantasies....

Often time we get caught up in the fantasies, whether it’s big or small. These fantasies filled our ordinary lives and it is these brief fantasies that makes us feel alive, but once they past and reality sets in we realize that the fantasies are just that, little pockets of time that could’ve been wonderful, beautiful, disastrous and dramatic. I’m beginning to realize that we have these fantasies because we are lacking something in real life; we yearn to feel a certain way, want certain things we can’t have in real life. I was looking for something that I thought I didn’t have and instead of asking for it, I looked else where, when in fact it was in front me of all this time. How could I have missed that?

P.S. this is my way of letting go. I need to let go. I need to move on.

I didn't even like him

He was rude and annoying.... and did I mention arrogant? I don't even like him as a person, it was the voice and the feeling he gave me that made me miss him. It'll eventually go away. Its not like he was amazing to began with.

"It is often thought (by non photographers) tthat documentary photography records something that was evident before the photograph was made, but in fact good photographs are products of discoveries made with in the process of photographing"

Boston can make you lonely

I am homesick. It may have something to do with an individual, I use to have conversations with. this individual and i don't talk anymore. We decided to stop talking because of lies that were told. What puzzles me is that he claim to have known the truth a long time ago but yet carried this on until now. Sure there is a part of me that wishes things were different, but than there is also a part of me that is happy to have ended this. I don't know why I'm still bother by this. It could very well be guilt or my conscious but whatever it maybe I can't get pass it and I need to get pass it. So how do I get through this?

strangers

I can't help it but think about him constantly. Aside from the photos and the fake career everything was real.

600 huntington ave, box 811C.

I will be living there for the next 4 months. I haven't been there but I already know I don't want to come back already. He say's we're done. I think he may be right.

Back to reality…

Back to reality…

After a weekend of goodness fun, I’m back home, realizing that I have less than two weeks before I’m gone. My time in Chicago was beautiful. Our hosts were wonderful. I must admit, this trip to the windy city was much more fun than the last time I was there. It could have been the people I was with. Whatever it was it was good times.

as it get closer and closer and actually seeing that this is really going to be happening, i must admit, i'm both excited and scared.

I was part of Hails second hmong artists show at the Homewood Gallery in North Minneapolis.It was a good opening night but I must say I have learned a couple of things from that show.
One, I don't like my work in 16x20 inches. I think the work is more effective in a larger scale or maybe it was the fact that it was so close together. Two, I hate full bleeds. I think its important to have borders around my prints. I feel that it gives the viewers time to digest my photographs individually. I just think that overall my prints could have been hung better. There was dust in and on the glass and the print borders were cut unevenly which totally away from the photographs. I guess I can't complain much because I wasn't there to help it get hung but still... And lastly from now on I want to be apart every decision made when hanging my work.

A few weeks ago I entered in this contest called "Heyhotshot" and although I wasn't chosen to show work, I did get honorable mention along with 20 other artists, which is better than nothing, right? It was bittersweet I guess. I guess you can say I have been questioning my work and my life. you know, if I should take this path or not.. I prayed to GOD and asked him to give me a sign, because it always seems like I'm good but never good enough. Could this be the sign? I have had some bad luck recently. I need some sort of validation from the community, any community. I need to know that I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing. Its important for me. I can sit here and say I don't need validation but that would be a lie. I NEED VALIDATION.


and lastly here is a photograph taken last fall of Brian. He has been my muse this summer. I enjoy making work about him and his brother. They are the loves of my life.


I know that in my last post I said sometimes the world doesn't seem to understand me or my work. What I want the world to know about my work is that it will always be and has been about the hmong people and our struggle to belong. I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY.

currently...

watching family guy
photoboothing
stressing about Massart
thinking


p.s. I'm conflicted about many things, but at the end of the day, i think about all the things that i have and feel bless to have the things i have, and to have met the people that i have met.

when you have hit your lowest point, you can't go anywhere but up right???????????

and so a new road has been pave for ME

schools out
leaving MN in 2 months
massart
growth
new photographs
new relationships made
happiness

i want to make photographs i love for the rest of my life.

when i told the photographer i was interning for, that all i want to do for the rest of my life is make photographs of hmong people, he looked at me and said, how do you know this what you want to do for the rest of your life? I thought about it, and said, "i just know, there are so many things that needs to be told to the world and i want to be a part of that voice."






Mai Youa Her
nov. 2007
mamiya c220
kodak 160 nc

MADE @ MCAD

opening reception is this friday. come one come all

life changing events are about to happen.

:)

its all coming together?

i am finally done with the ny studio program proposal.

i am happy.

TODOLIST:
finish prints for color
write artists statement
start reading for friday's class

B E S T

i have the best,


mother
father
sibling
friends
school

TODOLIST:
get photos together
recomendation letter from the other teacher
finalize the essay
print photos for color
print photo for lighting

martha's baby

i touched him and i felt deep sadness, i felt his pain and all i wanted to do was be in his place. i pray that he gets better soon.

today

okay
woke up
color class
color darkroom
nothing done

todo tomorrow:
nagative scans
visit first tech
write thesis
find source material
get gallery space
color darkroom again

hello again?

so i think i will be starting this baby back up again.

i woke up feeling drowsy, probably from the sleeping medicine the night before.
went to work over at paul shambrooms
went to large format class
went to the mall (rosedale)
came home
did homework
doing homework
still doing homework
and now its time to go to sleep

good night